Arrived home from work, tired, haven't been getting much sleep this week because I'm a moron.
"You're going right? Mom and dad aren't going, I'm not going there alone. Cmon man it's System."
Oh, fuck, right.. Earlier that week we agreed to go to a cover show, linkin park and system of a down. My brother is a big system fan since the last time he saw one of these, been listening to many of their songs since.
I'm not a huge fan of linkin park. Yeah I like their songs, I've sung, even learned to rap in the end, but I only know the like, 5 more famous ones. And kind of same for system of a down, I like them, more than linkin park tbh, or at least I'm more familiar since my brother has been listening to them and such. "I would enjoy listening to a concert but also I wouldn't mind missing it either" is what I thought. The entry was for 10pm and very likely they'd start playing after 11, probably midnight. I didn't feel like going, I wanted to get some sleep that I've been missing, if I did go I'd get back home at the earliest 2 am which isn't ideal, I wake up at 8 to work, which would be fine but yk missing sleep already.
But one thing I learned, and it's hard to ignore but whever I get the feeling I was having that night, where there is something kinda okay to do but I kinda don't feel like going, maybe I'm wasting time and it won't be fun or I'll be bored or maybe I'll be the boring one even... You gotta kick that asside and just tell yourself
Fuck it Sure lets .
It's cold, fuck it's cold. I don't feel super cold but my mouth wants to force itself closed as soon as I open it to say anything.
We get inside, close to 10pm since after 10 you pay to enter. Music playing, people sat at their tables, some standing, we were standing too. After an hour of just being there, going upstairs on the outside area for a while since there were more tables there. Getting cold and going back inside. it's almost 11 already and the band's just not here yet. Sure that's normal but cmon can you blame me for getting annoyed at waiting for over an hour for someone you have no idea when they will come?
We went to ask the woman at the cashier when the band would be showing up and she said the first one is coming .
The band starts going up to the stage, I didn't know this at that moment but it's 5 people, guitar, bass, drums, singer... and a rapper.
The rapper guy looks like [page title] and holy shit does he also feel like him. To make it short he seems like such a dude, for a few moments my brain saw one guy I know from his face but soon I realized that wasn't the case, but it still gave me a slight odd feeling.
That is until they started .
In general the songs were really cool, I sang, I shouted, I jumped in place, I listened to like 15 linkin park songs I never heard before, I shouted some more, it was really fun.
But cutting to about 15 minutes after they started I had already accumulated enough emmotion to write another page, this thing that you're reading right now. That feeling grew, it started digging on me, it wasn't anything heavy, I was still enjoying my time listening to the songs but a sower taste started to embed within me, it wasn't envy trust me I know how that feels like but maybe her cousin. I don't know how to express it, I'm not sure I get it myself, the rapper guy looked so cool, and when he started rapping it was fucking fire, he was awesome. I don't think I've ever felt bad from how cool something was but I did. He was awesome, his singing wasn't incredible but he rapped and when he did I felt this bubble forming inside me. Man I wish I was him, I wish I was up there. And it wasn't envy, I just wish I were that good, I wish I were brave enoguh to do that, I wish I had the guts to go up in a stage and rap the shit I've rapped to myself thousands of times. I wish I could walk up to him and say wassup, but I don't know him, he doesn't know me. I don't even know wtf I want to be honest, even if I got to know him, even if I became his friend at that moment, thinking about all of those possibilities nothing felt like "Yeah that would do it". Even if I did go there even if I were him, it felt like it wouldn't change much, like this bubble would still be attatched to me. Maybe it's been here since my birth or somewhere during the inception of who I am today, but I couldn't keep it off my mind.
I still enjoyed my time there, even with that taste in my mouth I liked the songs, hearing so many people singing along to some awesome sound, the band was really fucking good.
Soon enough, after many songs we were the end.
The last song started playing, after in the end funny enough in the end wasn't the last song I was enjoying things more by now. Then the rapper, right before the climax of the song, says that "It's the last one guys, if you wanna do the pit, now's the time to punch your friend"
What's going on?
"Mosh pit, it's this thing in concerts where guys make a circle and push each other, it's really dumb and fun"
So I threw myself in it.
A dozen guys pushing each other. I pushed. I was pushed. From one side of the pit to the other. I haven't had any "heavy body action" in forever I think, it might not be super your thing but it's just in our nature to like this kind of stuff, it's fun, it's really fucking fun.
As the rapper screeched the climax of the song and I was in front of the stage pushing and being pushed, it started to die down and I was right there in front of it.
I got to look up at him in the fucking eyes and I screamed with my then sore throat from so much yelling:
"VOCÊ É MUITO FODA"
"É nóis"
He repplied. It finally fucking burst. I was fucking thirlled. Not because "Omg he looked at me" and that kind of shit, I don't know what it was, but I finally felt like I was loose, like I could breathe. I could breathe and shout at the top of my lungs and push someone and be stupid and I was not an oddity for it while a fucking awesome song played at the loudest right in front of me.
Then there is the .
Then there was the System of a Down band. It was already 1am by then, It was really good, I had fun, while I liked the sound of linkinpark more it's too fun to sing I-E-A-I-A-I-O along with a bunch of people and a band. They did not play ?v=Vu-4D6d85u8 btw that would have been so cool Pretty much all songs from system they did the mosh pit, I stayed out of most but I joined a few. For a few songs I didn't know I went to the outside area and sat on the floor, near some people smoking.
Later when chop suey came on I went back, then I sat on a chair that was now empty since everyone was in front of the stage. When radio/video came on my brother went there to have fun but I was still tired, during it I went up to a girl I thought looked pretty early on when I saw her, I said she looked pretty even though I wasn't cool enough to talk to her yes I did say that (no gavin, not in english) And in reply she said she was a lesbian. First time I ever went up to a girl but sure, I honestly don't care much. That night was too awesome for this to have any bad effect on me.
Nothing much else to note, my brother lost his glasses during a mosh pit but at the end of the song he found it intact some-fucking-how. We left the palce around 3:20am and got home close to 4.
Clancy came out the same day all of this happened. Next year in January I'll see twenty one pilots live, I wonder how that will feel like.
